...It's Time I Said This...

...

So, um... r-recently a close friend of mine... someone I've grown to see as a sister... contemplated suicide.

...and... while she's no longer considering it, while she now has the help she needed... I...

I couldn't bring myself to keep lying about this.

Two years ago, I nearly went through with suicide.

It was... a rough time. I had been pressured and bullied into dropping out of school, too scared to leave my room, dreading the inevitable beatings and whippings with ties and verbal abuse... I laid down every night, doing my best to ignore the bruising on my chest and back... I was constantly hidden away and cooped up in my bedroom, rarely ever coming out... There were times that I had nightmares, keeping me awake... and then, one night, I just woke up, broke down and couldn't take it anymore.

Everyone was asleep... If I had done it then, nobody would have known until the morning...

I was ready to hang myself, with my own belt.

But... But I was reading through a photo album, getting ready to write my final goodbyes, and-and I remembered all the fond times I had with my family and friends... and I remembered the friends that I had online, particularly on FF.Net... And I-I just... couldn't bring myself to do it.

I felt sick to the bottom of my stomach, when I realized what I was about to do.

I threw that belt away and hid it. I have never seen it since, and I am honestly relieved by it... I spoke to my parents about it; we never told my sisters or my grandparents or anyone else about it, but they helped me to move on... They got me back into education on an online course where I made new friends who accepted me for all my quirks. I gradually became social again. I eventually even returned to school - whilst continuing my online course - and got great grades during my GCSEs. I am now seventeen, in college, and am now able to look at life with optimism.

I now do everything I can to help a depressed friend.

...because I never want to hear or read about anybody ending up like I did, that night two years ago.

I didn't want to share it... I wanted to keep it my own dark, personal secret... I was scared of bringing it up, but now, I feel I should. Because I just want to say...

Whenever you're feeling low... just remember there is always something out there worth living for. The rest of your life is out there, waiting for you. There is so much potential that you all have; you should never cut it down before it can shine. You all - ladies, gentlemen - are amazing individuals, and I am honored to be able to say I have lived long enough to be able to have such wonderful friends. And you should all live life to the maximum. If you're feeling down... talk to somebody. I'm always willing to listen, for a start... Not as a professional... but as a friend.

And it is because of how important you guys - and your friendships - have become to me, and because of this recent incident, that I realized that you all deserved to know.

...remember... if you're feeling down... just come talk to me.

...I love you guys...

You have so much to live for.

Never forget it, no matter how bad life may become.